doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
