this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
