Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
