I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
