last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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