I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
