I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize