i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
