Betty ford says i'm here all night
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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