He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
