Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
