My underwear smells like fireworks.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
