I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
