alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
