what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
