then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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