Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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