Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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