duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He passed out mid-signature
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
