4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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