Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
