So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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