turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
