There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
