well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
