Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
