I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Is it penis luge time yet?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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