You can't special order awesome
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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