Pants 0. Shit 1.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
