then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize