Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
