I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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