He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
