dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
