wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
