drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
