i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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