If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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