You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
