I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
