Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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