I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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