i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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