She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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