I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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