david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
