Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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