I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
