Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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