Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
