I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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