yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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