Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
