she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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