do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize