Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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