FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
