on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
