I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
