Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
