you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
