first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize