It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
