White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize