Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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