hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
