Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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