remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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