the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
