He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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