Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
