Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
