So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Randomize
